Alright, three posts in one day. This is crazy. I wanted to put this up though. Put it somewhere so this thought can 'arrive' and make way for another in a way. It is a bit long so, ehh. I realize that we may not be able to actually talk directly with many that read this, so it may be a bit bewildering. Sorry 'bout that. More for the unknowing than the bewildering. word.
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Life is such a roller coaster. Over the years there are ups and downs. Even over a matter of weeks or days. There are downs.
A while back I was walking on campus and had one of the more surreal experiences of my life. I was walking with my headphones in, listening to a favorite song. I have long had a soft spot for music’s ability to connect deeply to emotions, memories, and experiences. Because of this, I think music is able to take us to a place where memories, emotions, and desires in life can all crash together in a cacophony of thoughts.
It was beautiful out. As I walked, I had the sudden feeling of isolation. There were people all around me that didn’t interact with or notice me at all and I didn’t interact with them. They all had their thoughts, feeling, emotions and desires - all of which were completely isolated and separated from me. It was deepened by the fact that I couldn’t hear them because of the music, but hearing only gives the impression of connection. Isolation is the reality; connection is the desire that doesn’t actually exist.
I think this is true. We are all isolated. There can be truths, philosophically cogent arguments, and Reality (with a big 'R') and other universalizing stuff, but in the end none of that matters. Experience is king and it is both rational and irrational. Connection is deeply related to the ability to connect, which is necessarily related to identities. Identities are endlessly individual specific and so each connection is going to be, to some degree, disconnected.
Disconnection is the problem.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer had an amazing lecture on creation and the fall. He talked about how the tree of life was in the middle of the Garden of Eden, and so life flowed from the middle of the Garden. This life of the middle was supplied by God. The middle, supplying life, was in tension with the limit of life that stood next to it - the tree of knowledge. In the fall, Adam and Eve ran from the life of the middle to the knowledge of the limit of man that was embodied by death. They pulled back and disconnected from God, and no longer knew each other. But God did not leave them in their broken and disconnected state, but sought them out and brought them back to himself.
Christ is now our middle, our life, pulling us away from the limits - the disconnection.
Life is a roller coaster with crazy ups and downs. Elation and tragedy. The temptation is to pull back, disconnect, question, and stew. But disconnection and isolation flows out of living from the self at the limit all the while our history is re-written by the re-centering of Christ. The struggles will continue, but Christ is determined to stop us from brooding at the limits of the dead-end road. The real answer to the pain is not necessarily an answer, but a connection.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
over the hills and through the traffic
Last night was a perfect night for a bike ride. I was in the upper 50's with only a light breeze, and so Sara and I dutifully loaded our bikes up on the car. We met a friend of ours and over 300 other people we didn't know. It was the annual night bike ride with a local biking club to ride through the neighborhoods to look at Christmas lights.
It was crazy awesome.
I guess last year they said they had like 60 people and then this year well over 300 showed up for it. People had their bikes all decked out in lights and some people were dressed all festive like - some even towing bike trailers with stereos playing Christmas music. I often felt a bit bad for some of the cars that had to wait for a huge train of bikes to pass (the bikes did stop intermittently to let the cars though - not quite that mean).
The neighborhood we went through was one of the nicer ones around and many of the people there actually pay people to 'professionally' put up lights for them. So, some are pretty cool displays. A good number of people would come out to watch all the bikes pass. I thought it was really ironic - we were their to look at their houses and they came out to look at us looking at them. Anyways - here are some pics....
Sara and a friend.
On the campus of SMU.
Some houses and some bikes...
It was crazy awesome.
I guess last year they said they had like 60 people and then this year well over 300 showed up for it. People had their bikes all decked out in lights and some people were dressed all festive like - some even towing bike trailers with stereos playing Christmas music. I often felt a bit bad for some of the cars that had to wait for a huge train of bikes to pass (the bikes did stop intermittently to let the cars though - not quite that mean).
The neighborhood we went through was one of the nicer ones around and many of the people there actually pay people to 'professionally' put up lights for them. So, some are pretty cool displays. A good number of people would come out to watch all the bikes pass. I thought it was really ironic - we were their to look at their houses and they came out to look at us looking at them. Anyways - here are some pics....
Sara and a friend.
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| From A Step Beyond |
On the campus of SMU.
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| From A Step Beyond |
Some houses and some bikes...
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| From A Step Beyond |
~--~
So I know I said we don't have any pictures of the half-marathon, but when I took the pics off the camera today, there were some from the start and finish line (I waddn't there). Here is one of the three finishers, medals and all. That statue behind them is what they looked like as the ran, with a full head that is.
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| From A Step Beyond |
Monday, December 13, 2010
a mile or two (+ 11)
So I realize that a lot of the time, the posts on the blog here are probably a bit boring for most people. I blame it on the fact that we have fairly consistently boring and routine lives here in the wild west. But, at times, we actually do things. Sara ran a half marathon here in Dallas about two weeks ago or so, and while I forgot to take the camera and so there are no pictures, I thought I would at least share a bit of non-academic life with ya'll.
It was one of the more fun route for me, as a dedicated spectator, as it was accessible, pretty close to our house, and I could follow for a good bit by bike. It was a bit cold when they started - about 31 degrees out - and it probably only hit upper 30s by they time she was done. Sara dominated despite not having too much time to train with living at the hospital and sometimes sleeping.
She was a bad ass anyways though: Her time was 1 hour and 43 minutes; came in 41st in her category (out of 1090 people); came in 141st overall in women (out of 5692 people).
It was one of the more fun route for me, as a dedicated spectator, as it was accessible, pretty close to our house, and I could follow for a good bit by bike. It was a bit cold when they started - about 31 degrees out - and it probably only hit upper 30s by they time she was done. Sara dominated despite not having too much time to train with living at the hospital and sometimes sleeping.
She was a bad ass anyways though: Her time was 1 hour and 43 minutes; came in 41st in her category (out of 1090 people); came in 141st overall in women (out of 5692 people).
Thursday, December 9, 2010
little delinquents
So I am a fan of conceptual and causal diagrams. Hopefully this one will be a bit easier to read than the last one. It is for a paper about initial life trajectories of children, delinquency, social structure/agency, and the difference that religious institutions would make. I am sure that description totally sold the paper... anyway, who doesn't like a few good structure/agency arguments here and there!?
'T's are different points in time.
'T's are different points in time.
Friday, December 3, 2010
thoughts on ought
In Dostoevsky's book, Crime and Punishment, the main character undertakes an experiment of living that takes him down a very dark road. Apart from the darkness of the path he choose to go down, I think it is interesting because he decides to turn his thoughts and ideas about life into a life he actually lives. Dostoevsky says, "In place of dialectics life had arrived..." Life is often an imposing force that does not allow us to merely think about it passively, but forces decisions and actions out of us.
This is also usually the hard part. It is one thing to think and talk about life, what it means to live life, and how it should be done. It is a completely different thing, however, when that life theorized about in conversations arrives. Do we tend to act in accordance with the things we talk about doing - do what we say should be done? Or do we merely continue to have impassioned conversations about universal moral maxims and platitudes that are then kept at a safe distance from our day to day life?
I find this to be a real struggle. I can see clearly why the Reformation idea of 'vocation' and of serving one's neighbor is first based in a life of repentance. With so many failings in life - both in terms of doing and not doing - it can be easy to be paralyzed with the weight of failure. We deeply need something, indeed, Someone to pull us out of the catch-22 of life's imposition. The challenge is to be aware of needs so deeply that they are no longer merely an idea for conversation, but a desired reaction to forgiveness' removal of failure's millstone and the recurrence of life's imposition.
This is also usually the hard part. It is one thing to think and talk about life, what it means to live life, and how it should be done. It is a completely different thing, however, when that life theorized about in conversations arrives. Do we tend to act in accordance with the things we talk about doing - do what we say should be done? Or do we merely continue to have impassioned conversations about universal moral maxims and platitudes that are then kept at a safe distance from our day to day life?
I find this to be a real struggle. I can see clearly why the Reformation idea of 'vocation' and of serving one's neighbor is first based in a life of repentance. With so many failings in life - both in terms of doing and not doing - it can be easy to be paralyzed with the weight of failure. We deeply need something, indeed, Someone to pull us out of the catch-22 of life's imposition. The challenge is to be aware of needs so deeply that they are no longer merely an idea for conversation, but a desired reaction to forgiveness' removal of failure's millstone and the recurrence of life's imposition.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
life and paths
Here is a short passage from Tolstoy that I have been thinking about lately...
"If I know the way home and am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way because I am staggering from side to side! If it is not the right way, then show me another way; but if I stagger and lose the way, you must help me, you must keep me on the true path, just as I am ready to support you. Do not mislead me, do not be glad that I have got lost, do not shout out joyfully: 'Look at him! He said he was going home, but there he is crawling into a bog!' No, do not gloat, but give me your help and support."
"If I know the way home and am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way because I am staggering from side to side! If it is not the right way, then show me another way; but if I stagger and lose the way, you must help me, you must keep me on the true path, just as I am ready to support you. Do not mislead me, do not be glad that I have got lost, do not shout out joyfully: 'Look at him! He said he was going home, but there he is crawling into a bog!' No, do not gloat, but give me your help and support."
Friday, November 12, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
remodel!
When we bought the condo we already knew that we wanted to make some changes where the kitchen is because it felt so closed off from the rest of the house. Recently when the wife's parents came out for a visit we also tore out a bit of the wall and made it into a shelf - opening up the kitchen a bit. Here are some before and after pics for your enjoyment....
here we are putting some finishing touches on it. so jolly...
and finished!
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| From A Step Beyond |
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| From A Step Beyond |
here we are putting some finishing touches on it. so jolly...
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| From A Step Beyond |
and finished!
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| From A Step Beyond |
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| From A Step Beyond |
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Distinction
How is it that we are able to tell the difference between things, and how are there such stark differences in what people recognize? This is one of the topics that we were talking about today in the undergrad class that I work with and I thought some of it was pretty interesting. Back in like the 80's this French dude, Pierre Bourdieu, did some research on culture and how people think about it, and what makes people like different things (think: micro-brew beer vs. bud light).
He would ask things like 'what is a photo beautiful' with answer choices like: sunset, bark of a tree, and a woman breastfeeding (i know, that one seems totally random). Turns out that there are strong social class differences in people's answers. Lower class people like sunset photos (easily appealing, colorful, easy to 'understand'), middle class people like the woman breast feeding (ahhh, not sure here - value family?), and rich people like picture of tree bark (drawn to abstract stuff, appreciate subtle art themes more). Now, these were strong differences and not just like some upper class people here and what not. Weird.
The idea is that we all live in certain social circles that then impact what we understand, recognize, like, appreciate and so on. Why are something things familiar to us while other things we don't 'get?' Only certain people recognize different wines, let alone even like it (or can afford it even more). But it can be more than just physical things like art and food/drinks. Religion is like this (type of music one likes in church, theologically liberal or conservative, and so on), and pop culture (movies, music, who dates who), politics...
Here is the part from class that I thought was interesting (if you stuck with me this long). Two things. First, Baylor has more upper class students and some will recognize this and others think what they see here is pretty common. This thinking that upper-middle class-ness is normal or not actually as upper class as it is is conditioned by community and context in just the same way. No, it is not normal for everyone to be wearing Sperry Topsiders with their niki running shorts - but you see it enough you will start to think that this is not related to money. No, normally there are not this many Mercedes on a college campus. They have a lot of money, but it is relativized so that they don't think of it as a lot, but as 'normal.'
The second thing is volunteering. Baylor really pushes this. It is even to the point that some of their scholarships require students to do things in the community here a few times per week. It would be interesting to see what difference (if any) this makes for constructing a certain view of volunteering as something that 'normal' people do. I hope it does make that difference. On the flip side, it reinforces distinctions here. The students 'go out' into the community to help them. The school is separated as different and reinforced as such. They are not a part of the community, but they are the big brother that steps in to beat off the bullies when the brother is able to show up when needed. the 'we' goes to help the 'them.' Not making 'our' community better, but helping 'their' community. Makes me think, how do we understand volunteering? How should we?
He would ask things like 'what is a photo beautiful' with answer choices like: sunset, bark of a tree, and a woman breastfeeding (i know, that one seems totally random). Turns out that there are strong social class differences in people's answers. Lower class people like sunset photos (easily appealing, colorful, easy to 'understand'), middle class people like the woman breast feeding (ahhh, not sure here - value family?), and rich people like picture of tree bark (drawn to abstract stuff, appreciate subtle art themes more). Now, these were strong differences and not just like some upper class people here and what not. Weird.
The idea is that we all live in certain social circles that then impact what we understand, recognize, like, appreciate and so on. Why are something things familiar to us while other things we don't 'get?' Only certain people recognize different wines, let alone even like it (or can afford it even more). But it can be more than just physical things like art and food/drinks. Religion is like this (type of music one likes in church, theologically liberal or conservative, and so on), and pop culture (movies, music, who dates who), politics...
Here is the part from class that I thought was interesting (if you stuck with me this long). Two things. First, Baylor has more upper class students and some will recognize this and others think what they see here is pretty common. This thinking that upper-middle class-ness is normal or not actually as upper class as it is is conditioned by community and context in just the same way. No, it is not normal for everyone to be wearing Sperry Topsiders with their niki running shorts - but you see it enough you will start to think that this is not related to money. No, normally there are not this many Mercedes on a college campus. They have a lot of money, but it is relativized so that they don't think of it as a lot, but as 'normal.'
The second thing is volunteering. Baylor really pushes this. It is even to the point that some of their scholarships require students to do things in the community here a few times per week. It would be interesting to see what difference (if any) this makes for constructing a certain view of volunteering as something that 'normal' people do. I hope it does make that difference. On the flip side, it reinforces distinctions here. The students 'go out' into the community to help them. The school is separated as different and reinforced as such. They are not a part of the community, but they are the big brother that steps in to beat off the bullies when the brother is able to show up when needed. the 'we' goes to help the 'them.' Not making 'our' community better, but helping 'their' community. Makes me think, how do we understand volunteering? How should we?
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
strain!
So today I have a presentation on general strain theories of crime. Just for 'fun' I thought I would share the causal model that I drew up for it for all of you closet sociologists and criminologists. I know you are out there... somewhere. Not sure if it is 'clickable' or not, but if it is you want to see it a bit larger. Cheers.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
An attempt at shorter blogs - I think I failed
Some randomness about life lately
-I'm currently watching Raising Hope, a new show that comes on after Glee that surprisingly my Mom told me to watch, but is really quite appalling to watch as a Pediatrician (but does make me laugh)
- Good week - margaritas 2 nights in a row ;) (last night we had a 2nd year residency dinner at a Mexican place as we all had the night off in preparation for a "resident as teachers" session today, and then as part of the session we all had dinner at one of the attendings house tonight...and don't worry, margaritas weren't what made it a good week, more just time off hanging out with friends.
-Went to San Francisco 2 weekends ago for the American Academy of Pediatrics conference. Interesting experience, very enlightening about politics of such a big organization, great to see the neat things people are doing in peds all around the country and enjoyed seeing San Franscisco with one of my medical school friends (quite a bit different experience than the last time I was there on a mission trip during high school).
-Went to a little bit of the Gold Humanism Honor Society conference here in Dallas next weekend. Awesome conference and very inspiring as the overall idea of the Society is to create compassionate caring doctors who put patients first and encourage humanities/creative arts within medicine. So many people doing amazing things in medical school and residency education!
-Loving the weather here in Dallas. The kind of weather I wish all summer was like, although I miss leaves changing color. Evenings and mornings are still a little crisp though, so still feels a little fallish despite temps in the 80's most days
Enough randomness for now.
-I'm currently watching Raising Hope, a new show that comes on after Glee that surprisingly my Mom told me to watch, but is really quite appalling to watch as a Pediatrician (but does make me laugh)
- Good week - margaritas 2 nights in a row ;) (last night we had a 2nd year residency dinner at a Mexican place as we all had the night off in preparation for a "resident as teachers" session today, and then as part of the session we all had dinner at one of the attendings house tonight...and don't worry, margaritas weren't what made it a good week, more just time off hanging out with friends.
-Went to San Francisco 2 weekends ago for the American Academy of Pediatrics conference. Interesting experience, very enlightening about politics of such a big organization, great to see the neat things people are doing in peds all around the country and enjoyed seeing San Franscisco with one of my medical school friends (quite a bit different experience than the last time I was there on a mission trip during high school).
-Went to a little bit of the Gold Humanism Honor Society conference here in Dallas next weekend. Awesome conference and very inspiring as the overall idea of the Society is to create compassionate caring doctors who put patients first and encourage humanities/creative arts within medicine. So many people doing amazing things in medical school and residency education!
-Loving the weather here in Dallas. The kind of weather I wish all summer was like, although I miss leaves changing color. Evenings and mornings are still a little crisp though, so still feels a little fallish despite temps in the 80's most days
Enough randomness for now.
Friday, October 1, 2010
ehhh
I like an interesting mix of clothes. I am a huge fan of the worn-out T-shirt, cargo or just cut-off shorts, and chacos/sanuks/keen/flip flops. It is always a good time for these.
then, on the other hand, i am also a big fan of bow-ties, suits, 3-piece suits (yep, they get their own category), and of course vests. this last one can be a bit unfortunate, especially in light of the TV show, Glee. especially after the zinger this week: "You wear more vests than the cast of Blossom."
I taught the undergrad class solo this past week and wore the vest. thought i should look a little more professional, as that is the style there (maybe requirement, too - not sure). I think I may have associated myself with Will on Glee now and got some somewhat muted smiles from some in the class.
ehhhh.
then, on the other hand, i am also a big fan of bow-ties, suits, 3-piece suits (yep, they get their own category), and of course vests. this last one can be a bit unfortunate, especially in light of the TV show, Glee. especially after the zinger this week: "You wear more vests than the cast of Blossom."
I taught the undergrad class solo this past week and wore the vest. thought i should look a little more professional, as that is the style there (maybe requirement, too - not sure). I think I may have associated myself with Will on Glee now and got some somewhat muted smiles from some in the class.
ehhhh.
Friday, September 24, 2010
starbucks excess
I went to the rich people's Starbucks to study today.
i felt a bit out of place there because i was not wearing an entire paycheck (one of their paychecks, that is) on me in the form of clothing or 'handbags.' nope, torn cargo shorts and smelly sanuks for me!
as i was sitting by the window, this lady pulled up in her p-diddyed (yep, that's a verb - look it up) escalade. beyond the fact that she looked hilarious working so hard showcasing her money, it was hilarious because she sucked really badly at driving. as she parked her blimp, blocking and nearly hitting a b'mer on the way in, i was hoping it was due to talking on her rhinestone-studded iphone like the lady next to me had. nope. she just sucked at driving.
i said to myself, "dang, self, rich people really suck at driving." i kind of laughed again as barbie pranced back to the yugo with a happy cup of starbucks in hand.
man, i really am a terrible person for feeling so much better than poor barbie. i parked my car badly one time, too.
i felt a bit out of place there because i was not wearing an entire paycheck (one of their paychecks, that is) on me in the form of clothing or 'handbags.' nope, torn cargo shorts and smelly sanuks for me!
as i was sitting by the window, this lady pulled up in her p-diddyed (yep, that's a verb - look it up) escalade. beyond the fact that she looked hilarious working so hard showcasing her money, it was hilarious because she sucked really badly at driving. as she parked her blimp, blocking and nearly hitting a b'mer on the way in, i was hoping it was due to talking on her rhinestone-studded iphone like the lady next to me had. nope. she just sucked at driving.
i said to myself, "dang, self, rich people really suck at driving." i kind of laughed again as barbie pranced back to the yugo with a happy cup of starbucks in hand.
man, i really am a terrible person for feeling so much better than poor barbie. i parked my car badly one time, too.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Salted-caramel, Solid chocolate
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| From Photostream |
On Friday night we went over to a friend's place to celebrate her birthday and so Sara and I made the cake above. It was awesome. It is a salter-caramel chocolate cake. It even has some kind of special salt - I had no idea that there were so many different kinds of salt out there! We had a good time making it, although I think if we were to make it again/when we make it we will need to invest in a candy thermometer for the caramel to make knowing the temperature a bit easier. We found something online that said you could put it into ice water and then feel the consistency of it, but let's face it - it is a bad thing to allow people like Sara and I to cook something rather specific like that through a guesswork method. Still, it turned out.
Then to follow up on a food weekend, yesterday we stopped at this little hamburger shack on the side of the road and I got an awesome burger. It had avocados and even refried beans and a tostada shell on it (yep, we even make tex-mex hamburgers down here). Like I told Sara, I knew it was going to be a good day when I started it off with a hamburger like that. Then I lost my wallet in the trash can.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
The Now and Not Yet
On a run this morning after I got off my night float shift, I thought
"I can't wait to go on a run and not have my head sweat" and then thought " I can't wait to go on a run in the middle of winter in shorts and a T-shirt"
I feel like Dallas is a place of I don't like one thing but then liking the opposite things that are only possible because of the first.
Or at work last night thinking "I can't wait until I don't have to FYI page the fellow at 2:30 in the morning about a medical decision I just made that I am completely confident in simply because if I don't wake him up the next morning he'll be upset because I didn't let him know about things going on even if he agreed with the decision I'd made", yet "I am in no way ready to be making my own decisions that no one checks up on being completely accountable for everything I do with no one above me"
Residency is a place of wishing we were at that next step but being scared to death to get there
Such is life. Especially this life Aaron and I seem to be living in blocks of 4 or 5 years at a time always lived in a new location with new friends, new livelihoods, new goals, successes and struggles; trying to enjoy where we are at yet always seeming to look toward the future knowing in x amount of time we will start over. Like living the Christian life in the now and not yet knowing that our life on earth is important as we also look toward life in heaven.
For now I will simply wait for the short term future when I can run without sweating and not walk to my car getting off my night shift at 7:30 am in 85 degree weather. And PS, I seem to think a lot of the blogs I post dwell on this same idea of wrestling with living in the place we are in right now.
"I can't wait to go on a run and not have my head sweat" and then thought " I can't wait to go on a run in the middle of winter in shorts and a T-shirt"
I feel like Dallas is a place of I don't like one thing but then liking the opposite things that are only possible because of the first.
Or at work last night thinking "I can't wait until I don't have to FYI page the fellow at 2:30 in the morning about a medical decision I just made that I am completely confident in simply because if I don't wake him up the next morning he'll be upset because I didn't let him know about things going on even if he agreed with the decision I'd made", yet "I am in no way ready to be making my own decisions that no one checks up on being completely accountable for everything I do with no one above me"
Residency is a place of wishing we were at that next step but being scared to death to get there
Such is life. Especially this life Aaron and I seem to be living in blocks of 4 or 5 years at a time always lived in a new location with new friends, new livelihoods, new goals, successes and struggles; trying to enjoy where we are at yet always seeming to look toward the future knowing in x amount of time we will start over. Like living the Christian life in the now and not yet knowing that our life on earth is important as we also look toward life in heaven.
For now I will simply wait for the short term future when I can run without sweating and not walk to my car getting off my night shift at 7:30 am in 85 degree weather. And PS, I seem to think a lot of the blogs I post dwell on this same idea of wrestling with living in the place we are in right now.
Monday, September 13, 2010
despair and blissful ignorance
When I tell people that I am studying sociology and focusing on the sociology of religion, inevitably there are questions. I usually need to explain to people that no, I am not going to be a pastor when I am done. Other times, somehow the word 'religion' is like a mental block that doesn't allow people to think beyond 'theology,' which ironically is something that we very, very rarely consider. Either way, the conversation usually doesn't stop there.
This makes for interesting bar/happy hour discussions. (This isn't really a new thing for me at bars - ask Sara) Not too long ago we were at the bar with the residents and someone asked me and so we got on the conversation of religion. Seeing as how I like to talk about this stuff, and also seeing as how I have been on an existentialism kick for a bit now, we somehow arrived at Kierkegaard. Ok, I arrive at Kierkegaard. I was talking about his ideas of despair and defining commitments as a way out of the dark, and one of them, trying to take the blank look off his face - i need to figure out how to stop causing that - says, "well, ignorance is bliss." To him, the best line of action is to do all that he can to avoid arriving at the inevitable realization that life apart from a Kierkegaardian defining commitment is submersed in despair.
In earlier generations this would probably seem like an odd conclusion juxtaposed the possibility of realizing one is stuck in despair, but for our generation this is old hat for some reason. Why is this, I wonder, that we prefer to survive though life with a veneer of optimism instead of tearing off the veneer and looking into the face of actually living life? In the past social research consistently showed that going to college could be detrimental to one's belief in the existence of God. People would go to school and be exposed to lots of different view-points and ideas and realize that their own may not be the only one, nor the best one. It can be tantalizing (or paralyzing?) to live in a box and then have the door opened and see a myriad of options. It is like living in the corner store and then going to a super Walmart.
This is not really the case anymore. The secularizing effect that college used to have on students is nearly absent today. One of the reasons for why this is the case is that students today are literally no longer interested in questions of ultimate purpose and existence to the extent that it makes a difference personally. This is interesting to me. Why are we more content to live in despair than otherwise if given the option? More than that, what does optimism really mean if we prefer ignorance? What are we optimistic for in that case?
Do I prefer my box in disregard for world as it is?
This makes for interesting bar/happy hour discussions. (This isn't really a new thing for me at bars - ask Sara) Not too long ago we were at the bar with the residents and someone asked me and so we got on the conversation of religion. Seeing as how I like to talk about this stuff, and also seeing as how I have been on an existentialism kick for a bit now, we somehow arrived at Kierkegaard. Ok, I arrive at Kierkegaard. I was talking about his ideas of despair and defining commitments as a way out of the dark, and one of them, trying to take the blank look off his face - i need to figure out how to stop causing that - says, "well, ignorance is bliss." To him, the best line of action is to do all that he can to avoid arriving at the inevitable realization that life apart from a Kierkegaardian defining commitment is submersed in despair.
In earlier generations this would probably seem like an odd conclusion juxtaposed the possibility of realizing one is stuck in despair, but for our generation this is old hat for some reason. Why is this, I wonder, that we prefer to survive though life with a veneer of optimism instead of tearing off the veneer and looking into the face of actually living life? In the past social research consistently showed that going to college could be detrimental to one's belief in the existence of God. People would go to school and be exposed to lots of different view-points and ideas and realize that their own may not be the only one, nor the best one. It can be tantalizing (or paralyzing?) to live in a box and then have the door opened and see a myriad of options. It is like living in the corner store and then going to a super Walmart.
This is not really the case anymore. The secularizing effect that college used to have on students is nearly absent today. One of the reasons for why this is the case is that students today are literally no longer interested in questions of ultimate purpose and existence to the extent that it makes a difference personally. This is interesting to me. Why are we more content to live in despair than otherwise if given the option? More than that, what does optimism really mean if we prefer ignorance? What are we optimistic for in that case?
Do I prefer my box in disregard for world as it is?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Invisible.
Phenomenology is, I think, what got me interested in academics. Phenomenology is the study of people and groups that focuses on their psychological states, cognitive dispositions, and how they see the world around them. To put this in another way, it is a study of what world people see. Bracketing the question of what Reality is (that is, with a 'big' R), this is essentially trying to figure out what reality people live in and what it looks like to them. We all have differing views of what this is and as a result, genuinely different experiences of the big 'R' Reality. We don't merely understand our experiences differently, we have different experiences; different realities are taken in.
Now, with that base laid out there (and I can guarantee both that it will likely not be the last time I write about that one and that this is actually going somewhere), I had an interesting conversation last night that got me to thinking a bit. Baylor, like most places, has people who come in and clean the building after people leave for the night. The lady who cleans our (the graduate students) office is a really nice lady who holds three different jobs to 'make it'. I try to talk to her a bit whenever I see her in the hallway or when she comes into the office here to clean up. There are a few other people in the room here that also talk with her, and last night when I got back from working out there was a note for her on the chalk board that they had left to get dinner and that she should come back later to talk.
She and I were talking about the note and she said that it was really nice of us to take the time to talk to her a bit and that it makes her feel appreciated and 'wanted'. I told her that is how she should feel and so we got to talking a bit about how she feels working here at Baylor. She was saying that most people here do not talk to her and most of the time pretend that she is not even there - even when in the same room as her.
Now, I am giving everyone that does not 'see' her the benefit of the doubt and am saying that they are not mean or purposely giving her the distinct impression that they are, as she put it, "better than her." I am thinking that we genuinely live in different words from hers. We live in a world that is distinctly removed from her life, her experiences, and more specifically, the work that she does. So it comes down to invisibility. She is, in a literal way, invisible. Not seen. Not noticed. All three of her jobs are 'service' jobs, and I couldn't help but think that it is ironic that she is invisible to the very people that she serves.
This same idea applies to more than just people, but also to circumstances or situations in our society/world. What do I not see that is and should not be? This is and should be the challenge. To both see and strive to make 'not be.'
Now, with that base laid out there (and I can guarantee both that it will likely not be the last time I write about that one and that this is actually going somewhere), I had an interesting conversation last night that got me to thinking a bit. Baylor, like most places, has people who come in and clean the building after people leave for the night. The lady who cleans our (the graduate students) office is a really nice lady who holds three different jobs to 'make it'. I try to talk to her a bit whenever I see her in the hallway or when she comes into the office here to clean up. There are a few other people in the room here that also talk with her, and last night when I got back from working out there was a note for her on the chalk board that they had left to get dinner and that she should come back later to talk.
She and I were talking about the note and she said that it was really nice of us to take the time to talk to her a bit and that it makes her feel appreciated and 'wanted'. I told her that is how she should feel and so we got to talking a bit about how she feels working here at Baylor. She was saying that most people here do not talk to her and most of the time pretend that she is not even there - even when in the same room as her.
Now, I am giving everyone that does not 'see' her the benefit of the doubt and am saying that they are not mean or purposely giving her the distinct impression that they are, as she put it, "better than her." I am thinking that we genuinely live in different words from hers. We live in a world that is distinctly removed from her life, her experiences, and more specifically, the work that she does. So it comes down to invisibility. She is, in a literal way, invisible. Not seen. Not noticed. All three of her jobs are 'service' jobs, and I couldn't help but think that it is ironic that she is invisible to the very people that she serves.
This same idea applies to more than just people, but also to circumstances or situations in our society/world. What do I not see that is and should not be? This is and should be the challenge. To both see and strive to make 'not be.'
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
come again?
My latest favorite trite saying is that sociologists are professional stereotypers. In that vein, here is a gem from an Italian dude, writing in 1895. Speaking of criminology, he was trying to explain why women, who are less evolved than men, did not commit as many crimes (for it is obviously the less evolved that commit crimes). He says that their "defects are neutralized by piety, maternity, want of passion, sexual coldness, weakness and an underdeveloped intelligence."
Oh Lombroso, I do believe you would be stoned these days... and some say starting points matter not if one has an 'open' mind.
Oh Lombroso, I do believe you would be stoned these days... and some say starting points matter not if one has an 'open' mind.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Freud's Mask
In Freud’s theory of religion, guilt and feelings of ‘sin’ are the result of failing to live up to the standards of the father figure ‘God’ and the mother figure ‘Church.’ While interesting, this does little to help us understand our life and world. While he places the question in the hands of failed expectations, it seems more pointed for it to be in the hands of the failure. Instead of dealing with the failure, he tries to mitigate the feeling of or the intensity of the failure. In missing this, he missed the place for faith in life.
So often in life we inadvertently take Freud’s approach. We know the failings stack up, but do what we can to ignore them, explain them, or normalize them. Faith on the other hand consists of a defining commitment that both gives meaning to the failings while also redefining us and pulling us out the them. It is like we are all wearing masks of some sort that we try to get used to, try to expect to see, and try to think are normal. We get so used to seeing this that it is hard to see past what is into what could or should be. Indeed, apart from faith, we cannot. It is in faith alone that the mask is removed to show who we really are and holds up the mirror that allows us to see the reality that should be. Our failings will always be, but it is faith that pulls us out of the pit of despair, the pit of willful ignorance, so that God can make us more like Christ. This is why it is a defining commitment. It doesn’t leave us where we are, but brings us to where we ought to be. In our failings it is easy to leave the mirror, forget ourselves and put our mask back on. But through a life of constant repentance, God in his grace doesn’t leave us to be lost but once again removes the mask and says, ‘go, love your neighbor.’
Instead of merely being a way to deal with struggles in life or a way of dealing with failings - Freud and our mistake - in faith we both understand the failings for what they are and are brought beyond them by being given a new identity through the removal of our mask. No mask’s silver lining is better than knowing and seeing what is beneath.
So often in life we inadvertently take Freud’s approach. We know the failings stack up, but do what we can to ignore them, explain them, or normalize them. Faith on the other hand consists of a defining commitment that both gives meaning to the failings while also redefining us and pulling us out the them. It is like we are all wearing masks of some sort that we try to get used to, try to expect to see, and try to think are normal. We get so used to seeing this that it is hard to see past what is into what could or should be. Indeed, apart from faith, we cannot. It is in faith alone that the mask is removed to show who we really are and holds up the mirror that allows us to see the reality that should be. Our failings will always be, but it is faith that pulls us out of the pit of despair, the pit of willful ignorance, so that God can make us more like Christ. This is why it is a defining commitment. It doesn’t leave us where we are, but brings us to where we ought to be. In our failings it is easy to leave the mirror, forget ourselves and put our mask back on. But through a life of constant repentance, God in his grace doesn’t leave us to be lost but once again removes the mask and says, ‘go, love your neighbor.’
Instead of merely being a way to deal with struggles in life or a way of dealing with failings - Freud and our mistake - in faith we both understand the failings for what they are and are brought beyond them by being given a new identity through the removal of our mask. No mask’s silver lining is better than knowing and seeing what is beneath.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Made Fresh
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Austin has all these little food trailers around. Alas we were never able to give one a shot... maybe next time.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Vested Interest
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I have been looking for vests. They have a certain appeal to me and seem functional to dress things up when in an oven called Texas.
When we were in Austin we found some nice used clothing stores that I would totally buy all of my clothes at if we live closer. Often they are filled with all women's clothes with a small corner devoted to everything male. One of them we went in had a lot more male clothing, and a whole rack (!) of vests to look at.
I got two. Both wool. One tweed (above).
I wanted one with lapels, but none were to be seen. Now I just need to convince the wife that I can wear one with a bow-tie to a cocktail party coming up...
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Celebratin' the 5 years + should we have moved to Austin?
In honor of our 5 year anniversary and secondary to an extended break from work (love shift work in the ER!) we headed down to Austin for a few days. Although it was still hot and humid it was refreshing....people recycle, all the coffee shops are local and unique, my honda civic fit in rather than not quite knowing what to do among the astin martins and BMW's that surround it in Dallas, we enjoyed some awesome local cuisine and just relaxed. Maybe it is because we went in with the presumption that Austin is 'cool' and a little more "northwest-ish" but it really is a great city. We took our bikes and were fairly good at navigating most places with them, although after we got back to the hotel and showered in the afternoons AC and the car were a little more appealing! Although Dallas is (sorta) growing on us, sometimes I wonder if I should have ranked the residency program in Austin over Dallas, but no regrets - Dallas is home for the next 3.83 years and I am sure we will miss it when we (hopefully!) move. :) But don't be surprised if you visit us if we end up taking you to Austin :) We didn't take that many pictures, but here are a few.
Out on 6th street listening to some live music (figured we had to as Austin is the "live music capitol of the US", pretty happening for a Tuesday night, but I'm sure the weekends are much crazier)
Shopping and eating our way down Congress Ave - a street lined with good smells and good shops. There are all these little trailer food villages with all sorts of awesome food (well we didn't try any of it, but I am sure it was awesome)
The bats! Millions of bats fly out from this bridge at dusk every night in huge clouds. But they apparently were too sleepy or full or something the night we went to watch them. All we got was a pretty sunset and then from the bridge itself blurs of them as when they decided to come out it was too dark to see...
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| From A Step Beyond |
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| From A Step Beyond |
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| From A Step Beyond |
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| From A Step Beyond |
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| From A Step Beyond |
5 years!
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| From A Step Beyond |
It is crazy... 5 years ago we got hitched! The time has gone by crazy fast. Lots of things have happened in the last 5 years, been a lot of places, and we have grown a lot both as individuals and as a couple. Sara became a Dr. and started to make money, I am still in school and stopped making money, left St. Louis and landed in TX... and who knows what may be next? Maybe I will finish school and start to make money again, maybe we will live in a place we choose this time (we are really, really hoping so, anyways). Who knows... One thing we have learned is that God has been deeply faithful even when we can tend to forget it.
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| From A Step Beyond |
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| From A Step Beyond |
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Bastille Day
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You know it is bad when you get home in the afternoon and it is 81 in the house despite the fact that the AC is set to 80.
Undeterred we set out to Oak Cliff to check out Bastille Day. It was a small festival in a nice little area with shops and what not. There was some kind of a wine deal, which we were apparently too late for, and some kind of food deal, which it seems we were too late for as well. Its all good because by the looks of it, the choices were baguette and muscles - prepared any way you can think of. Sara still won out by borrowing someone else's wine glass to get some sweet sangria (which I am fairly sure is Spanish...).
Yes, we did know the wine-glass-lenderer.
The picture may have been better had we known her. We don't.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Crescendo
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Giant pendulum just inside the new Science and Engineering building at UCCS...
Sunday, July 11, 2010
they say the darndest things...
I don't usually put too much up about our lives because, well, they are generally pretty boring. Case in point:
Right now the two of us are sitting up in the study, rockin' out to Bach's Sonata no. 2 in A minor, at our desks studying (sara) and writing papers (not sara). Many of you know I am not so good at long periods of productivity at once. I turn around to the wife:
Me: Hey, are you bored yet?
She: no, i'm excited to start a test.
Me: excited to take a test...??
I really don't think she was kidding either. It is funny how different we are...
Right now the two of us are sitting up in the study, rockin' out to Bach's Sonata no. 2 in A minor, at our desks studying (sara) and writing papers (not sara). Many of you know I am not so good at long periods of productivity at once. I turn around to the wife:
Me: Hey, are you bored yet?
She: no, i'm excited to start a test.
Me: excited to take a test...??
I really don't think she was kidding either. It is funny how different we are...
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Chaco lament
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There was hope at the start. I mean, I really tried and have not given up all hope.
But I have to say that I do not like Chacos. They are not comfortable, and they make my poor left big-toe beg for mercy. Everytime I put them on, I hope that something would have changed. I really do love everything about them, as long as they are not on my feet.
I heard a while back about some defective ones... maybe that is the issue. Either way, I would really like to be wearing them a lot right now in Hades, but alas they still suck.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Mt. Democrat - 14,000 feet
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Here is a panoramic shot from the top of Mt. Democrat. I like these shots, but am not sure the pay off for the time it takes to make them is really worth it. they are so small on a computer screen that much of the detail is lost. This one is huge, just like the last one. Before compressing the image size (and file, for that matter), this one was about 530 inches wide. Maybe it would be a cool poster....
Again you will probably need to click on the pic to get it bigger, if you so desire.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Kite Lake all around
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| From Photostream |
I am not sure I am really happy with the results, but I spent a good chunk of time putting this one together, so I might as well put it up. Displaying this one is a bit hard as the original is a shy over 150 inches wide... so bigger screens will fare better and you may need to click on the picture in order to see it bigger.
This is a 360 deg. view from the Kite Lake campground. You can see the same Jeep on both the right and left sides of the pic. The sky looks a lot less cool when forced to be so small in this pic. You can also see the brother real small smack dab in the middle. Nothing like frisbee at 12,000 feet.
Oh yeah, happy 4th!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Stormy Skies
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Here is a shot from Kite Lake, were the brother and I camped before hiking the 14ers this past Monday. There was a storm rolling in that went just on the other side of the valley we were in. It made for a crazy sunset...
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Here's your sign
Last night I was driving back to the parent's place from Ft. Collins and noticed that the city limit signs here in CO are different than most other states. Not sure if this is something that all of CO does or not, but most places will say the city name and then the city's population. Here, they say the city name and then the city's elevation. I thought that was amusing... yeah, it was late and I was tired.
One of these days when I get back to Texas the US's armpit, I'll post some pics of hiking and what not.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
bow-tie
We had asked for input on whether or not I should wear a bow-tie to the we-don't-only-push-pencils-but-also-have-fun-once-a-year doctor part, and the results from the poll were clearly on the side of 'wear the bow-tie.' I ended up, under my own volition, not wearing it. My love for the bow-tie is not a blind love, but one that is informed with the possible shortfalls of wearing one. Personally, I think it is hard enough to pull off the bow-tie, but the feat is even more of a challenge without the help of either a vest or a jacket - both of which I was not about to wear to a partially outdoor event in the fast approaching Dallas summer heat. Well, I would have worn it with a vest, but alas, I do not own one.
Anyways, some may have been waiting to see a picture, so I found an older pic from St. Louis of the last time I wore it. Sorry for the quality of it - it was taken with the mac's webcam.
Anyways, some may have been waiting to see a picture, so I found an older pic from St. Louis of the last time I wore it. Sorry for the quality of it - it was taken with the mac's webcam.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
the gods must be crazy
Since I have probably hit my serious post quota for a bit, I figured I would quickly post an interesting social fact (or anomaly?). In some work that I am doing right now I was reading through some unpublished findings from a prof that I am working with. One weird thing stuck out in a model using a national random sample... people who have 'no religion' are .045 times more likely than Evangelicals to believe in an authoritative God and .501 times more likely to believe in a critical God.
I just saw it today and so haven't really had the chance to think about it too much just yet, but it seems really odd that someone who has 'no religion' first off actually believes in some form of a God, and second off that this God is relatively engaged with the world. A god cannot really be too authoritative or critical if they are not engaged and active - odd for a non-religious person. This doesn't necessarily hint at a causal relationship, but it is interesting that there is any relationship to start with.
There ya go. Even those with 'no religion' often really do have religious beliefs of some sort.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Is it a whisper on the wind...
I just started to work through Kierkegaard's Works of Love the other day. It is one of his 'devotional' works that is meant to be read through slowly, digested, and the impact comes through a change of action and being for the reader. He is big on making a difference in life and not just thought - those crazy existentialists... Being a dutiful Kierkegaard reader, I am working on the reflections some. And you being a dutiful blog reader have to put up with them, ha.
Anyways, the book is titled as such because for him, love is something that is lived and does things. To him, love (whether in marriage, family, friends, or for the 'neighbor') only has significance when it is defined by the denial of the self and the elevation of the other. This is a challenge for us because so often selfishness, bitterness, pity, guilt, and so many other negative emotions sneak in and distort what our relationship are really meant to be. Because this is the case, it is as if the ability to really love, which is a 'doing' and not a 'state,' requires first a constant change of identity and who we are. That is, it is not possible for us to really love in our broken state, but we must have this stripped away through repentance and receive identity anew through forgiveness. This interaction with God is not merely like a question asked of God (will you forgive?) and an answer given by God (yes, always...), but more like a life lived. Repentance (the seeking forgiveness) is a mode of life, a way of being. In this mode of life, the person that we are is stripped away in a literal way, and in forgiveness a new identity is provided in a literal way. In this fashion, taking up the identity of Christ provided by God through forgiveness is itself an act of God's love. Kierkegaard says, "as the still waters begin obscurely in the deep spring, so a man's love mysteriously begins in God's love."
It seems odd at first to think of it, but there is a place for claims in love just like there are claims of ownership on property. Because of the fact that love is a work that flows from us, the other has a claim upon the expression of the love that we feel. This expression of love in words, laugher, tears, or whatever form it may take is not our possession, but the possession of the other. In being moved by love we are also reminded of our connection to other people. Whether we express the love in action, words, deeds or any other way as we ought, or repress the expression of the love, we are in that moment forced to be conscious of our belonging to the other person. While many times people will do things for others or volunteer in the community for non-selfless reasons, the impetus for this is found in the being forced to awareness of our belonging to the other and our duty to them. We never have any claims on the other in love, but to them owe endless self denial shown through the works of love.
-- "Your friend, your beloved, your child, or whoever is the object of your love, has a claim upon its expression also in words when it really moves you inwardly. The emotion is not your possession but the other's. The expression of it is his due, since in the emotion you belong to him who moves you and makes you conscious of belonging to him." --
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Berry strikes again
I am re-reading Wendell Berry's book, Life is a Miracle: An Essay against Modern Superstition as of late. It got me to thinking a bit about research and reality a bit last night. Much of social research is typically deterministic. That is, many try to make causal conclusions about people and groups as if we were all like a machine that processes inputs and has a necessary and automatic output. There are others out there that subscribe to 'soft determinism' where they either think that by and large people are these 'machines' but they at times do weird things or they think that people are machines that are so complex that there is always some stimulus that is left out of the equation.
I like Wendell Berry because his book is a reminder (or a warning? corrective?) that we ought to not think of life as a massive machine that we are always one step closer to understanding, apprehending, and controlling. For him, "to treat life as less than a miracle is to give up on it" and it is only when we are able to give up viewing our lives as "an understood possession" are we able to "take it back as miracle and mystery." Because we on some level do live in a non-reducible mystery, control ought not be the question of highest importance, but mere living. Living in - reveling in - some level of ignorance is a constant action and not an end or goal.
Much of social science has been done in a guise of detachment. Good research, however, is probably better defined by embracing context. Only from the midst of context can any understanding of concrete experiences be abstracted. Berry scores again, saying, "though they are inescapably in context, they assume or pretend that they think and work without context."
The modern superstition has nothing to do with religion, but has everything to do with false pretenses and assumptions of big and successful science that requires 'giving up on life.'
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Scientific Poll Results
Alright all - the results are in. Previously I asked for a bit of help in deciding whether or not I should wear a bow-tie to the Interns-are-no-longer-the-lowest-on-the-totem-pole party, and they are pretty one sided. There are, however some important issues that must be discussed in relation to the reliability and validity of results.
(this may be a tad boring to some - you can safely skip to the next paragraph) First, it is likely that the results are highly reliable and we can safely assume that if we poll the same population again we will get roughly the same results. The question was clearly stated and exhaustive. We do, on the other hand, have some validity issues. First, the sample was not randomly selected, but a sample of convenience, and not even a snowball design. Even if it was random, we only have a n of 7, which is well short of the typical minimum of 30 in order to insure statistical significance. Second, while the question was clear, it was also poorly constructed. Quite obviously it is a leading question that may have increased the likelihood of socially desirable responses, despite the fact that it was an anonymous poll.
In other words, it is not clear whether or not the poll has validity despite being reliable. As such, I will have to defer to some other authority on the subject in order to conclusively reject the null proposition - that I should wear a bow-tie. Because most authorities are very constrained by demands on their time, I will have to use the closest convenient authority. In this case, I happen to live with a Dr. Although she only knows medical stuff - somewhat useful at times - she will have to suffice. Below are the results of the poll, but final adjudication will have to wait at this time.
(this may be a tad boring to some - you can safely skip to the next paragraph) First, it is likely that the results are highly reliable and we can safely assume that if we poll the same population again we will get roughly the same results. The question was clearly stated and exhaustive. We do, on the other hand, have some validity issues. First, the sample was not randomly selected, but a sample of convenience, and not even a snowball design. Even if it was random, we only have a n of 7, which is well short of the typical minimum of 30 in order to insure statistical significance. Second, while the question was clear, it was also poorly constructed. Quite obviously it is a leading question that may have increased the likelihood of socially desirable responses, despite the fact that it was an anonymous poll.
In other words, it is not clear whether or not the poll has validity despite being reliable. As such, I will have to defer to some other authority on the subject in order to conclusively reject the null proposition - that I should wear a bow-tie. Because most authorities are very constrained by demands on their time, I will have to use the closest convenient authority. In this case, I happen to live with a Dr. Although she only knows medical stuff - somewhat useful at times - she will have to suffice. Below are the results of the poll, but final adjudication will have to wait at this time.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Summer Fun
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| From Photostream |
At least now I can do a lot more work from home. But this also provides many more opportunities for distractions - something I have never had a problem creating even with a dearth of options.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Vacation night!
Now that the wife is working 6 days per week for the current rotation, she has started to call the one day off 'vacation' in hopes that it will feel a little bit longer. This is also the night that we try and do something and hang out for a bit (although lately she has been sacrificing some sleep for a life - a big step considering her appreciation for sleep). We have had this gift certificate for a local restaurant for quite a while from an Aunt and Uncle of hers and we figured it was about time we use it. We kept thinking that we would use it when I would finish a semester, after we buy a house, after we move, after... well, you get the idea. So, we finally used it.
It was really nice to go out. We went a bit early (after all, too much later and the wife would struggle to resist the soporific effect of a later night) and it was still happy hour! Half price drinks and appetizers - everyone wins. Here is a picture of us before we went out. You will notice that I did not wear the bow tie. It wasn't the right moment, but there are right moments for them and you can help. See the previous post for more details. Voting is still open....
It was really nice to go out. We went a bit early (after all, too much later and the wife would struggle to resist the soporific effect of a later night) and it was still happy hour! Half price drinks and appetizers - everyone wins. Here is a picture of us before we went out. You will notice that I did not wear the bow tie. It wasn't the right moment, but there are right moments for them and you can help. See the previous post for more details. Voting is still open....
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| From A Step Beyond |
Saturday, May 22, 2010
We need input
There is this nice dinner thing for the pediatric program at Children's Medical Center coming up. It is the Annual Award Dinner and Dance, complete with a formal invitation and one of those opaque inserts for directions. The event is at the Dallas Arboretum. I am merely pointing this out to show that it is a relatively formal event.
Here is the issue. I think this sounds like a perfect time to wear the good 'ol bow-tie. Sara has reservations about the bow-tie because... well, I have no idea. Anyways, being the good social scientist that I am, I thought this could be helped by fielding a poll. Below you will find a quick poll question asking for your input. Your responses are very valuable and are completely anonymous. I am confident that you will be able to help and to make this a representative poll of the general American population, despite the fact that there will likely only be low single digit response rate - on a good day.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
B's Creek
Happy that it is warmer out now (started to get too warm, in fact!), I went for a stroll on B's property this week. Again, happy that it is warmer out, I was donning my Chacos and figured I would take my stroll into the creek. She actually does have some pretty nice land there, and so here are a few pics of the place.
About a year or so ago, they got over 30 inches of rain in one month. This rain dug out a bit of a small pond around a bend in the creek. That is where these pics were taken...
This is like the perfect place for little kids to play as this creek is filled with little frogs, turtles, fish and other assorted fun. Here is a school of catfish... I was tempted to noodle for the big'uns under the overhang but thought that would distract me from documenting this for you all.
The creek is down in this little ravine. B has a little patio overlook area that has some assorted plants and ferns on it. Sometimes I think about sitting out there and reading, but am not sure if the payoff is enough for as much bug spray as I would need to put on.
About a year or so ago, they got over 30 inches of rain in one month. This rain dug out a bit of a small pond around a bend in the creek. That is where these pics were taken...
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| From Photostream |
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| From Photostream |
This is like the perfect place for little kids to play as this creek is filled with little frogs, turtles, fish and other assorted fun. Here is a school of catfish... I was tempted to noodle for the big'uns under the overhang but thought that would distract me from documenting this for you all.
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| From A Step Beyond |
The creek is down in this little ravine. B has a little patio overlook area that has some assorted plants and ferns on it. Sometimes I think about sitting out there and reading, but am not sure if the payoff is enough for as much bug spray as I would need to put on.
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| From A Step Beyond |
Sunday, May 16, 2010
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| From Photostream |
A bit of St. Louis lovin' for ya'll. One of these days I will start to get some current ones up.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Alright, so after this post I will stop with the sociology (most kind of likely that is). I got to thinking that the last post about bundled beliefs and values may not have made a ton of sense to everyone. Then I got to thinking more about how everyone loves a good graph. That could just be me because I like to get my nerd on from time to time, but who knows.
Below is a graph that kind of helps to illustrate how political view points and religious views mix. The graph show conservative, moderate, and liberal political views as they are impacted by increasingly literal interpretations of the Bible. These lines are predicting increasingly levels of people thinking that one must do religious good deeds (as discussed in the last post, grouping 'have faith in God' with 'serve in the military'). So, as one has more literal views of the Bible, they are also more likely to think that one must do these 'religious' good deeds in order to be considered a good person.
The biggest change is really for the conservatives as they get more literal interpretations of the Bible. While both the moderates and the liberals do not change in how many religious good deeds they think a person needs to do as they see the Bible more literally, the conservatives have a large increase in how many religious good deeds they think a person must do.
That totally got longer than I intended it to. My bad.
Below is a graph that kind of helps to illustrate how political view points and religious views mix. The graph show conservative, moderate, and liberal political views as they are impacted by increasingly literal interpretations of the Bible. These lines are predicting increasingly levels of people thinking that one must do religious good deeds (as discussed in the last post, grouping 'have faith in God' with 'serve in the military'). So, as one has more literal views of the Bible, they are also more likely to think that one must do these 'religious' good deeds in order to be considered a good person.
The biggest change is really for the conservatives as they get more literal interpretations of the Bible. While both the moderates and the liberals do not change in how many religious good deeds they think a person needs to do as they see the Bible more literally, the conservatives have a large increase in how many religious good deeds they think a person must do.
That totally got longer than I intended it to. My bad.
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| From A Step Beyond |
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
all bundled up
As people we do weird things. Many of the beliefs and values that we have are not necessarily logical or coherent as a 'bundle.' The US may not do this more than other places, but there are some funny combinations that we have in the US that are not typically found in other countries. One of the more prominent causes of this is the religious nature of our country. Here, likely because of a high rate of religiosity, non-religious things are linked and bundled in people's minds with religion.
Some of the more interesting combinations will come out of a mix of religion and politics. In the US they are very closely tied, where as in other places, such as Canada, even the religious politicians are forced to not only be quite about their faith but at times work counter to what they would prefer to do in order to keep the job. Here, a candidate must publicly show that they are religious or they loose legitimacy. They are nearly required to say "God bless America" at the end of their speeches.
It doesn't end with just the politicians and their use of religion to get elected or get things done (or religion's use of them?). You see it in individuals as well. For a final project I was just looking at a set of questions asking people what they think one must do in order to be a good person. There were 7 questions in that section ranging from 'actively seek social and economic justice,' to 'have faith in God,' and on to 'serve in the military' and 'consume fewer goods.' I did a factor analysis in order to see which of these things most typically 'go together.' This shows us which of these things people will typically associate as being in the same category - like all things that have to do with God and all things that have to do with society, or something like that.
The result is mostly predictable, with one minor exception. In with the more 'religious' responses for what a person must do in order to be a good person was also 'serve in the military.' Because of the fusion of (conservative?) politics and religion here in the US, a high rate of people conceptually think of serving in the military as being in the same category as having faith in God. The funny thing is that it isn't just a minor association either - the alpha score (tells us how strongly the group is related to each other) is .73 (.5 to .6 is usually considered fairly good on a 0 to 1 range).
Anyways, we bundle things together cognitively as the result of the groups and people that we communicate with and are exposed to. The identity of who we are is often largely the result of who we hang out with, what we read, what church we go to, what news channel we watch and so on. While postmodernism as a philosophical construct may not be very clear or interesting, as a social reality it is very interesting. We constantly are engaging in creating our world and reality socially. What does religion and serving in the military have to do with one another? Nothing besides the fact that we have agreed they are related. The reality is in the agreement/common mental association.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
House Pictures
Argh. It is a pain trying to put pictures on this. I had a nice post about our house but it got deleted, but don't feel like retyping it. Synopsis: We bought a condo the end of February, it is fun, the $8000 rebate we got is really fun. We still have work to do, but overall are moved in. Picture on the left looking from the living room to dining area, door to the right is the kitchen. Picture on the right is looking from dining to living room. To the left of the picture is stairs to the bedrooms.The above picture is the bedroom.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Uneasiness
I feel like my posts are always so serious and long...Aaron's are lighthearted (or super philosophical) and normally concise. Perhaps that is because mine are few and far between.
I have the weekend off, which in residency is a relative rarity as we get only 1 day off a week and only some months are they bundled so we work 2 weeks and then get a weekend off. The older I get the more neurotic I am becoming (or am realizing...) and my heart feels conflicted right now. We don't really have any plans this weekend, Aaron is working on final papers and I feel like I need to 'do' something, to make my time off productive. But I don't even know what that means. Cleaning the house? Volunteering? Relaxing so I can be more productive during the work week? Reading medical literature? Enjoying the nice, not yet too hot and humid, Spring day?
My dear friend Hannah had a blog about happiness and significance recently. I think maybe that is why my heart is troubled. I feel that I am lacking significance lately, am lacking a life that truly reflects pursuit of God and bringing him glory, living in his joy, lacking a life that puts others first. That my life as I know it is my job and my husband, and that is not a bad thing and I feel extremely blessed that inherently in my job comes 'significance' and helping others, but I guess I just miss the things I was involved in at other places in my life. We watched another interns dog for the past week so they didn't have to pay to board him while they went on vacation. Yeah, it was a nice thing to do, saved them a couple hundred dollars, but that is really the only thing recently I can think of where I have 'sacrificed' to help someone else out. And I guess that is where my struggle comes from. Finding the balance between keeping myself a sane person by allowing relaxation, yet also the strife of wanting to help others more, get more involved in the Dallas community, but even if I want to, not really having any idea how to start.
Realities of life have also been mor
e apparent to me lately. My Grandma died about a month ago, the first close death I have had to deal with. And death is hard. Being far from home allows you to separate yourself from it, but also bring it closer to home as we do try to make an effort to see my 3 sets of Grandparents on our annual visits to the Northwest. It is easy to day by day continue on, but then you think of a certain memory or my next trip home knowing that she won't be there and it makes you pause and come to terms with reality. She was an amazing woman and is very missed.
The realities of work as a pediatrician are also more apparent lately. 2 patients I cared for earlier in the year have died in the past few months. They had chronic illnesses that everyone knew would eventually result in their death, but it is sad knowing you cared for them. I'm sure in the hundreds of doctors they probably saw that they do not remember me as I cared for each very briefly, but as residents we do remember them. I also have a patient who I cared for everyday for the last month who is going to die. He is in liver failure and cannot get a transplant so it is only a matter of time, maybe days, months, possibly years. Watching His mother daily have to deal with this reality is hard. Seeing his little yellow eyes and face (very jaundiced!) smile and sparkle, yet knowing there is nothing I can do for him is lame - really really lame. It is contrary to what we do as doctors. I sometimes pray for a miraculous healing for him, knowing that God could do it, but likely will not. And I know that as I go through residency these experiences will only become more common, and perhaps once I am done and in a clinic setting death will be much more rare, but for now it is not, and it is sad.
With the signing of the health reform bill I also think about the realities of health care costs a lot as well. I could list off 20 very quick reasons why health care is so expensive. But the main one that I can do something about is over-ordering. The extra tests/studies we order out of our own fear - fear of lawsuit, fear of the unknown, fear of our own lack of knowledge, fear of parents concerns. And not that stopping ordering those tests would instantly fix the US healthcare problems, but it is a start. Yet also knowing that as a resident if I don't want to order it, but the attending really does, they will just go ahead and do it anyway. Such is life halfway up the totem pole.
So that is some of the randomness and things on my heart and mind lately. On a brighter note I am loving the condo, and we got our housing rebate direct deposited in our account recently - which is awesome!!! Maybe I'll post some pictures as for the most part we are finally done decorating it for now until some big projects this summer like kitchen renovations and repainting the whole first floor. And I really do love my job, love the fact that I get to take a part in so many children's lives, and love the fact that I think the things I get to see and the people in all walks of life I meet make my heart conflicted and make me think about these random things - and it is a good thing to sometimes to be challenged, to be saddened.
I have the weekend off, which in residency is a relative rarity as we get only 1 day off a week and only some months are they bundled so we work 2 weeks and then get a weekend off. The older I get the more neurotic I am becoming (or am realizing...) and my heart feels conflicted right now. We don't really have any plans this weekend, Aaron is working on final papers and I feel like I need to 'do' something, to make my time off productive. But I don't even know what that means. Cleaning the house? Volunteering? Relaxing so I can be more productive during the work week? Reading medical literature? Enjoying the nice, not yet too hot and humid, Spring day?
My dear friend Hannah had a blog about happiness and significance recently. I think maybe that is why my heart is troubled. I feel that I am lacking significance lately, am lacking a life that truly reflects pursuit of God and bringing him glory, living in his joy, lacking a life that puts others first. That my life as I know it is my job and my husband, and that is not a bad thing and I feel extremely blessed that inherently in my job comes 'significance' and helping others, but I guess I just miss the things I was involved in at other places in my life. We watched another interns dog for the past week so they didn't have to pay to board him while they went on vacation. Yeah, it was a nice thing to do, saved them a couple hundred dollars, but that is really the only thing recently I can think of where I have 'sacrificed' to help someone else out. And I guess that is where my struggle comes from. Finding the balance between keeping myself a sane person by allowing relaxation, yet also the strife of wanting to help others more, get more involved in the Dallas community, but even if I want to, not really having any idea how to start.
Realities of life have also been mor
e apparent to me lately. My Grandma died about a month ago, the first close death I have had to deal with. And death is hard. Being far from home allows you to separate yourself from it, but also bring it closer to home as we do try to make an effort to see my 3 sets of Grandparents on our annual visits to the Northwest. It is easy to day by day continue on, but then you think of a certain memory or my next trip home knowing that she won't be there and it makes you pause and come to terms with reality. She was an amazing woman and is very missed.The realities of work as a pediatrician are also more apparent lately. 2 patients I cared for earlier in the year have died in the past few months. They had chronic illnesses that everyone knew would eventually result in their death, but it is sad knowing you cared for them. I'm sure in the hundreds of doctors they probably saw that they do not remember me as I cared for each very briefly, but as residents we do remember them. I also have a patient who I cared for everyday for the last month who is going to die. He is in liver failure and cannot get a transplant so it is only a matter of time, maybe days, months, possibly years. Watching His mother daily have to deal with this reality is hard. Seeing his little yellow eyes and face (very jaundiced!) smile and sparkle, yet knowing there is nothing I can do for him is lame - really really lame. It is contrary to what we do as doctors. I sometimes pray for a miraculous healing for him, knowing that God could do it, but likely will not. And I know that as I go through residency these experiences will only become more common, and perhaps once I am done and in a clinic setting death will be much more rare, but for now it is not, and it is sad.
With the signing of the health reform bill I also think about the realities of health care costs a lot as well. I could list off 20 very quick reasons why health care is so expensive. But the main one that I can do something about is over-ordering. The extra tests/studies we order out of our own fear - fear of lawsuit, fear of the unknown, fear of our own lack of knowledge, fear of parents concerns. And not that stopping ordering those tests would instantly fix the US healthcare problems, but it is a start. Yet also knowing that as a resident if I don't want to order it, but the attending really does, they will just go ahead and do it anyway. Such is life halfway up the totem pole.
So that is some of the randomness and things on my heart and mind lately. On a brighter note I am loving the condo, and we got our housing rebate direct deposited in our account recently - which is awesome!!! Maybe I'll post some pictures as for the most part we are finally done decorating it for now until some big projects this summer like kitchen renovations and repainting the whole first floor. And I really do love my job, love the fact that I get to take a part in so many children's lives, and love the fact that I think the things I get to see and the people in all walks of life I meet make my heart conflicted and make me think about these random things - and it is a good thing to sometimes to be challenged, to be saddened.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
What an experience
So I have been working on this research project for most of this semester about religious experiences and it has thrown me a bit of a curve ball this past week.
Initially the expectation was that what we experience in our lives will make a difference in what we believe, our values, and how we interpret the world around us. One piece of that massive jigsaw puzzle is our relationships. For example, say you have a friend that you call. In one case you just leave messages for them and they never call back. In the second case you call your friend and they do return the call, even if it is when they want to. You would be more certain about your relationship in the second case as opposed to the first.
This was the basic idea of my project. I had data on people that had an 'experience' with God where He directly interacted with them. I also had data on how certain people were that they would go to heaven. Surely there would be a difference between the people that God did not directly interact with and those that he did in how certain those people are that they would go to heaven - after all, they have proof that he likes them!
Alas, this is not the case as I found out this week. The opposite isn't necessarily the case either. There is just no relationship between the two. I tried everything possible to no avail. Here is what is interesting though - the most consistent predictor in the bunch was church attendance. That is, people that attend church more are also more certain that they will get into heaven. Although this may seem relatively uninteresting, I think it is really interesting.
This means that merely being in church more makes a big difference in how certain people are of getting into heaven (22% more confident, per increased level of attendance!). I think a big part of this is the content, specifically the music, people are exposed to while there. One researcher says that the type of music in the church will shape the frame from which people make sense of their world. Another says that each time a community sings together, they recreate their identity anew, "carrying the past forward into the present." So in a very real way churches' members are collectively creating a reality and frame of reference that they then take out into the world with them.
Worship content stuff is probably going to be the focus of my summer research project, so maybe I'll have more to say later... or maybe I won't bore you (all) with more of that.
Initially the expectation was that what we experience in our lives will make a difference in what we believe, our values, and how we interpret the world around us. One piece of that massive jigsaw puzzle is our relationships. For example, say you have a friend that you call. In one case you just leave messages for them and they never call back. In the second case you call your friend and they do return the call, even if it is when they want to. You would be more certain about your relationship in the second case as opposed to the first.
This was the basic idea of my project. I had data on people that had an 'experience' with God where He directly interacted with them. I also had data on how certain people were that they would go to heaven. Surely there would be a difference between the people that God did not directly interact with and those that he did in how certain those people are that they would go to heaven - after all, they have proof that he likes them!
Alas, this is not the case as I found out this week. The opposite isn't necessarily the case either. There is just no relationship between the two. I tried everything possible to no avail. Here is what is interesting though - the most consistent predictor in the bunch was church attendance. That is, people that attend church more are also more certain that they will get into heaven. Although this may seem relatively uninteresting, I think it is really interesting.
This means that merely being in church more makes a big difference in how certain people are of getting into heaven (22% more confident, per increased level of attendance!). I think a big part of this is the content, specifically the music, people are exposed to while there. One researcher says that the type of music in the church will shape the frame from which people make sense of their world. Another says that each time a community sings together, they recreate their identity anew, "carrying the past forward into the present." So in a very real way churches' members are collectively creating a reality and frame of reference that they then take out into the world with them.
Worship content stuff is probably going to be the focus of my summer research project, so maybe I'll have more to say later... or maybe I won't bore you (all) with more of that.
Monday, April 26, 2010
posts and pictures
some have said that the pictures aren't showing up on the blog lately. I played with it a bit and it seems that it is only an issue with Internet Explorer (it seems to be fine in safari, chrome, and firefox). If you load the page and then go to some other tabs for a bit it looks like they pop up, but either way if you are using IE you should switch to something like Firefox. It is generally better. Sorry I don't really have a fix on my end if you are having that problem.
also sorry if yesterday's post was overly a downer. it probably isn't really all that bad (depending on how much you read into it). school is crazy and what not, but that is why there is such a thing as a finite semester. they end and start fresh...
also sorry if yesterday's post was overly a downer. it probably isn't really all that bad (depending on how much you read into it). school is crazy and what not, but that is why there is such a thing as a finite semester. they end and start fresh...
Sunday, April 25, 2010
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I am a slow reader. Always have been.
School always has the tendency to remind you of what you do not know. This reminder can be a good thing. The good old saying 'the more you learn, the more you are aware of what you have not learned' does indeed hold true.
But this can often feel like a bad thing. It can be a crushing weight at times - to be constantly reminded of all of the things you either do not know, have so quickly forgotten, or just didn't think of to begin with.
Too much to read. Too much to write. Too much due at once.
I am a slow reader. Always have been.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
searching the past year
Not too long ago Google made a site that allows you to make your own 'search story.' Here is a short one I made quick last night -
Friday, April 23, 2010
B's flowers
Since the last post isn't much of anything, figured I would put up a second for the day. Before I shared some pics of TX wildflowers and figured I wouldn't be able to take any of my own really, but they are still looking good (going on like 4 weeks now!). Happy that I brought my camera with me this past week, I have a few from B's place to share now. These pics are from one of her fields. It almost looks like there is a second wave of reddish-magenta colored flowers coming out now (Indian's Paintbrush, maybe?). Anyways, here is some good 'ol fashioned (texan) southern comfort...
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