Stream of Moments

Stream of Moments, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 83

These last few weeks and months have gone by so fast. So many little things, hards things, and big things. All in moments.

I feel like they are and were all one of a kind, once in a lifetime. But they all went so fast and were lost in a steady stream of moments. I regret missing them, not remembering them; letting them go. I regret going to the next and not staying, remaining, for a moment with you.

I want to slow down even in the midst of rush hour so as not to miss spring while looking to summer.

Life For Rent

Life For Rent, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 82

Sorry there is such a dearth in Dallas.

Either way I am excited, and feel kind of like Pita in Man on Fire... "Pita would like the Boogy Man if it meant she could go back to school."

100,000

this weekend we took a big step into adulthood.  We didn't buy a house, have a kid, or anything like that: our car hit 100,000 miles. 

this past weekend we went to KY for a marathon sara was in that was part of Kentucky Derby weekend.  it was a good time.  and while we were driving back, Rex, sara's car, hit 100,000 miles.  When she got the car back in like 2001, it only had 3000 miles on it.  that is a lot of miles of memories, lots of trips and adventures!  he has been to many states, traveled to many state and national parks, seen new and old friends, and stated a new life in a new place two times... about to be three.  

it was kind of fun to think about all of the memories contained within that little white inanimate piece of metal.  so much personality ascribed to something that naturally has none.  here's to you, Rex, for coming one step closer to high-mileage glory.  indeed, here's to you, you submissive recipient of our live's meaning ascription. 

my friends live in my computer

I have been thinking of how we (I?) understand community now with the proliferation of technology in our world lately. It is funny that Hannah just wrote a blog about basically the same thing just the other day and beat me to it (and i totally stole this blog's title from her picture... i love that!). i admit that this post feels a little more negative, but i think there is still a happy ending. anyways, i think i have thought more about this since sara was out for the latest round of traveling because she didn't really have a reliable way to communicate with me while gone.

technological changes have always had a rather dramatic impact on how we see and interpret the world around us. i mean, one of the first dramatic and jarring changes was the onset of the printing press, without which there very likely never would have been the Reformation, let alone many other massive political and social movements that there was around that time. Then, there was the onset of the radio which allowed people to stay in touch with the rest of the world much easier and broaden their available entertainment. Then there were telephones, then cell phones, then the internet, then iPhones and smart phones, and churches with remote (?!) locations/'communities'.

I think in large part what most of this has done is to actually decrease community and connectedness to those around us rather than increase it in some ways. We now maintain connections with people that are based on relationships rather than proximity. In one way, I suppose, this has increased community because it has allowed ties to friends and family to remain stronger at a distance than they had in that past. but at the same time, i think it has decreased natural community. the connections in our communities, i think, in the end are actually weaker. now people can (and do) go to the grocery store and both not talk to anyone or even make eye contact in a filled store of people. it is 'acceptable' to be on the phone in a check-out line or something, staying connected with someone at a distance, while there is a living person standing in one's presence that is not even acknowledged (that one drives me crazy). both the person on the phone and their friend are feeling connected while connections are diminished and destroyed all around them.

it is a double edged sword, really. it is 'normal' and accepted and thereby becomes more common. maybe it is the result of our 'post-modern' society where reality is based upon, built by, and reinforced through communal relations. Maybe we build a world in which we live through our community, and when that community's context is changed by our physical location we tend to latch on to the old one because it is in that community that we make sense of the world around us and not within the new context. maybe that shift is too hard, or just plain doesn't 'fit' into our understanding of the world and clinging to the old is so much simpler than it ever has been in the past.

maybe this is part of the church's struggle today as well. social theorists say that one will convert to a new belief when the connections to the new group overpower the connections that they had maintained with another prior group or community. maybe now we have all of these people that go to church, but do not base their understanding of community upon the church but else where. thus, they go to church on sunday or whatever and then go back out into the world and do not live the identity that the church and Christ is working to build within them. identity will never change when there is a stronger relation elsewhere that reinforces something different.

alright, this is getting way too long way too fast so i will stop there! but these are just some thoughts that i had on community in the technological age while sara was out, and i really for one of the first time ever really felt the distance. really felt the community of two severed by absence. it was startlingly lonely, inducing a small feeling of being lost, and really made me feel a deeper longing for our relationship than on her other trips. i wonder how much of my relationships is based more on technology as the mediator rather than real authenticity. I am dependent. I do hope, and for the most part feel, that in the midst dependency there is also real, deep authenticity as well. actually, i know there is authenticity, but i do think i will pay more attention to the mediator from now on than i have in the past.

Home Safely!

I'm back in St Louis. We had no problems because of the protests. I apologize t0 those of you who were so worried...we were blissfully ignorant to the severity of the protests and the amount of US coverage of them while we were safe and far from Bangkok relaxing on the beach -- we saw fragmented news on TV in Thai, but apparently you occasionally need more than just pictures to get the whole picture and if I'd known more of the extent of the happenings in Bangkok and US embassy warnings, I would have tried to relieve more fears through an email or two.

Looking over Aaron's pictures for each day I was gone makes me wish he could have come to Thailand with me (for a multitude of reasons), but as I was there and would see amazing lush jungles and old women faces etched with the wrinkles of a lifetime of hard work and stoic temples filled with golden Buddhas and street markets lined with brightly colored produce and spices I would get sad wishing Aaron was there to capture it with his camera. Knowing that my crappy camera and complete lack of creative skills would not begin to convey the beauty and stories of Thailand, I wished he could be there to experience it in person of course, but also to experience things more permanently in the continuously improving way that he can with his camera.

I'll post pictures later and begin to attempt to reflect on and summarize the trip, but it is good to be home and weird to now begin this stage of transitition to leaving St Louis and starting residency.

Come Back to Me

Come Back to Me, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 81

Here is one more picture of spring time in the STL before you are able to see if for yourself. I tried this picture the other night, but the focus didn't work so hot, so I took a cleaning break tonight to go take a new one.

I hope that the flights all go smoothly and that you are able to get out of Thailand without any trouble. I can't wait to have you home again.

Snack 'n Seal

Snack 'n Seal, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 80

Crazy. 80 days now.

Something else that is crazy is this new Oreo cookie package design. Says it seals better to keep the cookies fresh longer. What a joke. Who actually keeps cookies long enough for them not to be fresh?!

Seriously can't wait to see you again. Avoid large, angry crowds.

A Finite Number

A Finite Number, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 79

If you see one of these, you may want to take a mental note. I thinkt that 1) you should leave soon, and 2) you should watch out around you.

Seriously though, I am worried about you. Come home safe.

Stroll in the Sun

Stroll in the Sun, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 78

This is Rick.

I have been thinking about him today. He was asking for food outside of the Basillica yesterday and so we spent about an hour walking around and going to and from the store. He is single and lives by himself and has one son.

His perception of me was pretty far off and I hope mine of him was not.

Except for the Pope maybe in Rome

Except for the Pope maybe in Rome, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 77

So, last night was the first time that I have had to charge my phone since you have left. Kind of funny and sad all at the same time.

4 days.

Framed in the Gray and White

Framed in the Gray and White, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 76

I have thought in the past that a position of ambivalence is good in life. Neither all hot, nor all cold. All happy or sad. All boring or exciting. All up or down. That way it, in a sense, forces continuous growth or at least movement in some way.

It seems that is one of the best ways to describe work right now. I am sad to leave, but really excited to leave it behind. I really like the people, but not all of them. I think they are moving in the right direction, but stuck in many ways. It is constantly the same, but the constant is typically never ending uncertainty. It is nice to be able to fix problems, but severely frustrating when solutions are impossible.

I am done soon, but not nearly soon enough.

700 Club

700 Club, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 75

I had to give up coffee. I am sure it was more than the coffee, but it was making my stomach hurt. 19 days.

6 'til you are back!

Love You O So Well

Love You O So Well, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 74

"I know a girl, she puts the color inside of my world." - John Mayer

Today I have felt it much more than other days since you have been gone.

At a Standstill

At a Standstill, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 73

Lately things have been crazy. Crazy is not always a bad thing, as sometimes it adds a bit of spice to life, or possibly it is something just unexpected while also being welcomed.

It is crazy that we only have a few weeks left here. It is crazy that we are about to move to TX. It is crazy that we are actually able to move on to the next phase of life. These are all generally good things.

Work today: crazy. Not good. It is not hard to see why others have gone to the hospital for stress related things. 'Nough said.

Seasonal Denial

Seasonal Denial, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 72

I had something really good to write about, but this picture doesn't warrant it. Maybe another one of these days.

BUT, I can't believe it snowed today. I was so sad about that, but it should get warmer again soon here. Hope it doesn't kill of the rest of spring around here. That is one of the best parts of being in the STL!

Nostalgia

Nostalgia, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 71

Here is a nod to day 2.

It is really funny to me that it is now nice out and I am able to go back and 're-do' some of the earlier images in a different way. That is a lot of days!

Anyways, I am missin' you a lot today.

Chiang Rai

So I am a little bit slow on this one since Sara and them are all leaving this area now I think, but I thought I would put up some pics of the Chiang Rai area anyways....

Photo by mselam.

This is the White Temple in Chaing Rai. Sounds like it is relatively new...

Photo by Swissphotopia.

Some kids outside of the Golden Temple in Chiang Rai.

Photo by jamestraceur.

I guess the most prominent hill tribe in the are is the Karen tribe. Here is one Karen tribesman playing his pipe...

Just Off the Beaten Path

Just Off the Beaten Path, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 70

It was really nice out today, so we took a walk in the park. We are becoming fast friends.

Bite Size

Bite Size, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 69

So I really do think they only do this part at night. They are sifting through the dirt to find the big rocks, which are then crushed by the other machine. No wonder it is so loud... I guess it is a good thing, as the presumably actually re-use the old 'waste.'

19th Century Looks

19th Century Looks, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 68

This one is kind of a companion for day 51... Had the morning pic, thought it needed an evening one with it.

I brought this book with me to work the other day to read at lunch and I was just waiting for someone to ask what I was reading. I kind of didn't want to have to reply, "The Secularization of the European Mind in the 19th Century." The hesitation on my part is interesting, I think.

I wonder who that is more a reflection of - me, them, or mere perceptions...?

Backwards

Backwards, originally uploaded by a b franzen.

Day 67(.5)

Alright, so this one is a bit late, but it is early enough in the morning it can still kind of count for yesterday.

Anyways, so I think they have started to take breaks during the day so that they can work again at night. I have the pleasure of going to sleep to the sound of big ass trucks doing their constructing thing.... Glad to hear that you made it to Chiang Rai safely!

Hello from Thailand!

So I made it to Thailand and it has been quite an experience. A beautiful country and beautiful people. We have had 2 days of clinic that have went well and today just got to a new site where we will have clinic for 2 days. Definitely not roughing it as we have been put up in very nice hotels! Seems a little like betrayal for a mission trip, but i'm not complaining. I will write more when I get back (would rather be out exploring than typing) but just wanted to say Hi from Asia :)